to the woman who loves him next

he takes his coffee black
and likes his desserts
chocolate
sometimes he needs to get away
and wander in the mountains
(he likes the mountains)
and sometimes he needs your arms
to hold him tight
you’ll learn to know the difference
he likes the tease
of soft kisses before you devour him
he likes the feel of soft clothing
purple
if you have it
he’s good with his hands
in more ways than one
if you let go
he will catch you
he likes fancy pens
and will journal about his day
his hugs will make all of your problems
disappear
but make sure that you
make him feel appreciated
and loved
listen to him
when he talks
he has so much to share
and every fucking day
kiss him like
he is your oxygen

 

December 4, 2019

i’m a fucking mess

i wish i could hate
him
i wish i could think his name
without a pang in my
stomach
or better yet
not think his name
at all
i wish i could eat something
anything
it’s been three days
since my body has felt
nourishment
it’s like my heart wants to share the
pain
i wish i could stop wondering what he’s doing
and if he hurts
too
especially when i know he
doesn’t
this seemed so easy for him
the way he washed his hands of me
like dirt from his
garden
i wish he had cared enough
to look into my eyes
as he spoke these words
instead of over a goddamned
text message
i told him how i loved riding
shotgun
but he only held it to my heart and pulled the
trigger
i now understand that term
heartbreak
the physical pain
of my heart creeping into my
throat
and i wonder
with all of these broken pieces
floating around my body
can it ever be whole again
or will my heart forever look like the
coffee mug
that fell from the top shelf
the one i tried to glue back
together
because it was my favorite
but between the sharp edges
and bits of dried super glue
it can’t even do its job
anymore
i only even keep it around
in the back of the cupboard
for the memories
another thing
did you know that when you cry at
night
the tears run into your
ears
and sometimes you have to remind yourself to
exhale
you made me believe i was a chapter worth
reading
but i guess you really didn’t want to read
the end

 

December 4, 2019

 

somebody once told me I was special: and other bullshit lies

somebody once told me i was special
i should have recognized the deception
by the saccharine aftertaste
those words left on my tongue
but my tastebuds only
noticed the sweetness 

when he spoke of my beauty
i could have looked in a goddamn mirror
instead of just my reflection
in the pupils of his eyes
i should have known they were too small
to see myself clearly

somebody once said my mind was sexy
and my passion inspiring
he said he had never been happier
than when he held me in his arms
he said the world would stop spinning
if we weren’t together

i guess that one wasn’t a complete lie
but it seems the only world that stopped spinning
was mine

 

December 4, 2019

 

lessons learned

  1. don’t expose too much of yourself ; when in question, keep it in
  2. protect your heart, it fucking hurts when it breaks
              (2b. broken hearts, as it turns out, are not just a teenager’s game)
  3. some things are better left unsaid, and shitty love poems belong in a closed book
  4. furthermore on books, no one likes an open one
  5. sometimes passion should not be shared
  6. unloving is both possible and impossible
  7. the argument over who said “i love you” first was silly; we should have been worried about who said it last
  8. there’s no word stronger than sorry; trust me, i’ve looked

 

 

December 3, 2019