PSA

when you read my poetry
you are holding my heart
in your hands
my unrhyming lines
beating an unsteady rhythm
against your palm
and as you flip through my pages
know that you are skimming
my brain
peeking at all of the hidden parts
of my soul
so please keep your fingers together and
try not to let the small broken pieces
slip through
and fall to the ground

December 31, 2019

depth

she may love you
but it will never be like
i love you
she might learn to swim
in the oceans
of your eyes
in ways that i never did
but that is only because
i let myself
drown
while she floats on your surface
with a graceful ease
i have seen your depths
the underneath parts
and as my hands learned to
feel their way around
i fell in love with
your darkness

 

December 31, 2019

 

 

i should have kept them

i always promised
that i would never take
a single second with you
for granted
and i never did
even in the moment
i knew how special
each passing one was
but i am realizing
now
that it was the inbetween moments
that i didn’t treasure enough
those are the ones
that sneak up
out of nowhere
and steal my breath
for example:
i didn’t realize how much
i would miss
waking up in the morning
and my first thought being about
you
opening my eyes
and knowing i am loved
that i am someone’s muse
had i realized
i would have kept each waking thought
in my bedside drawer
or tucked them under my pillow
before
one by one
they vanished
like the december morning fog

 

December 31, 2019

there are galaxies within her

she falls asleep
with the taste of stardust
on her tongue
and the possibility of
a thousand unfinished poems
dancing at the edge of her dreams

and with the moon shining through her eyelashes
casting shadows on her cheek
she does not long for the sun
or crave his heat
because within her
an authentic soul radiates
warming her skin
like the fall rays
that stream through bare branches
just to rest on her face and hair

and while part of the sun
will always live within her
she is falling in love
with the night
and all it’s unknown constellations

 

December 30, 2019

an original

she’s the kind of girl
who looks down
when you tell her she’s beautiful
and turns away
if you catch her staring
her hair is always tangled 
at the end of the day
and she knows how to smile
through the pain
she’s all too familiar
with the feeling of tears
running into her ears
because she only lets herself
cry in the dark
she will laugh at all of your jokes
and cares a little too much
about everything you say
she will love you
with every inch of flesh
inside of her
and will sit outside with you at night
just to watch the
moon and stars
she will fall asleep
at three am
with a book in her hand
and will leave your tshirts
with a faint scent of vanilla
she’s the kind of girl
who will give you her heart
without expecting anything in return
and one day
if you’re not careful
you will look back and realize
damn, she really did love me

 

December 21, 2019

 

just something people say

you promised i could be open
that nothing I said
would ever be
too much
you let me believe
i was safe
and important
as you listened to me
go on
and on
you heard
every dream
and every fantasy
i took you on a tour of my heart
let you wander the halls
and carve your name
in the restricted section
i guess i can’t be
too upset
because i was the one
who gave you
the fucking knife
but you were the one
who allowed me to discover
that i like
getting off on the pain
you swore i could be the real me
and you would love me
despite
and because
but i guess that’s
just something people say 

 

December 19, 2019

 

i take it back

which i love you
was it
that broke us?
what day did i say it
one too many times?
i wish i could figure out
which one
marked the beginning
of the end for you.
was it the one i whispered
while you kissed up my thighs?
or was it the one i said
through a smile
(like an idiot)
too confident
because you had just called me
beautiful.
which kiss
sent you over the edge?
was it the one where I grabbed you
too tightly,
or maybe when i
too eagerly
pulled you back into me?
which look did i hold too long?
and which part of my soul
did i bare too openly?
that whole thing about hindsight
being twenty twenty
is bullshit,
because
hard as i try,
and as often as i
rewind every word
and replay every kiss,
i can’t pinpoint the one
that made you
stop loving me.

 

December 18, 2019

taurus

you ran through
my china cabinet
heart
with no regard
treating the priceless pieces
like tupperware
not even bothering
to look back
as the leaning piles
tumbled to the floor
i shouldn’t have let you
stack them so high
but i had never had anyone
build me up
and i could never have imagined
the mess of shattered glass
you would leave behind
especially since you are the one
who created it from
sand

 

December 18, 2019

a few things i miss, in no particular order

the feeling of your breath on my neck
and your hands in my hair
the way you called me baby
and raced to say “i love you” first
the way you shared your heart
when you spoke about your day
the taste of your skin
and the sound of your moans
electricity
passion
fire
the way i felt protected in your arms
and safe being myself
and how you always used to make me feel
like i mattered

December 16, 2019