i’m a fucking mess

i wish i could hate
him
i wish i could think his name
without a pang in my
stomach
or better yet
not think his name
at all
i wish i could eat something
anything
it’s been three days
since my body has felt
nourishment
it’s like my heart wants to share the
pain
i wish i could stop wondering what he’s doing
and if he hurts
too
especially when i know he
doesn’t
this seemed so easy for him
the way he washed his hands of me
like dirt from his
garden
i wish he had cared enough
to look into my eyes
as he spoke these words
instead of over a goddamned
text message
i told him how i loved riding
shotgun
but he only held it to my heart and pulled the
trigger
i now understand that term
heartbreak
the physical pain
of my heart creeping into my
throat
and i wonder
with all of these broken pieces
floating around my body
can it ever be whole again
or will my heart forever look like the
coffee mug
that fell from the top shelf
the one i tried to glue back
together
because it was my favorite
but between the sharp edges
and bits of dried super glue
it can’t even do its job
anymore
i only even keep it around
in the back of the cupboard
for the memories
another thing
did you know that when you cry at
night
the tears run into your
ears
and sometimes you have to remind yourself to
exhale
you made me believe i was a chapter worth
reading
but i guess you really didn’t want to read
the end

 

December 4, 2019