question marks

unanswered questions
stick to my throat
as i choke on words
and a mouth full of
question marks
i bite my tongue
and seal my lips
trying to keep them all in:

      do you miss the way my lips
      always seemed to
      instinctively find yours,
      the way my hand
      locates a light switch
      in a dark room?

     or the way four letter words
     rolled off my tongue?
      want…
           fuck…
                miss …
                     love…
      i wish i could set them free
      even just for one tiny second
      because they’re piling up
      in the back of my throat…

     speaking of…
     do you miss that? 

          i doubt it…

     but, do you ever wake up
     thinking of me?
     my sounds?
          (do you remember them?)
    and the way i
    grabbed and
    held tight?
         (pulling your hair
         or wrinkling your shirt)

     does your body still respond
     reflexively?

     is there any part of you
    that misses my
    open book heart?

   or the way my eyes
   could speak in
   complete sentences

    do you miss
    the “babies”
    and possessive pronouns?

    do you ever accidentally 
    think of me
    as yours
    and then get a pang in your chest
    and wonder how a world exists
    in which I am
    not? 

December 16, 2019