why

sometimes i think
on the cruelty of this world
where we have found a love
but cannot love
and how strange it is
that i almost instinctively
reach out and grab your hand
but have to catch myself
and casually brush your arm
instead
and how i want to kiss you goodbye
but have to do so with a hidden glance
hoping you can read
the look in my eyes
it seems all a bad joke
that we have traveled this far
only to finally find each other
now
but then when i really think
     about
          us
i think that maybe the universe is not
conspiring against us
maybe what we have discovered
is so powerful
so all consuming
that it’s only safe
in small doses
and that if we were to love
out in the open
we would literally consume
all of the passion
in the world
as if there were a finite amount
or i question that maybe
what if each life
is only allowed
a certain amount of love
and when you look at me
from across the room
as you are walking up
predatorily
i can feel the mercury
racing up
some arbitrary tube
and busting
when your lips crash into mine
i really don’t know
why
and honestly
i don’t question it too often
because
to me
you will always be
that shooting star
an unexplainable thing of such beauty
the one that happened so
unexpectedly
that i couldn’t even speak a word
or tell those around me to look up
because when i finally get out a
did you see that? 
i realize that it
–and you–
were meant only
for me

February 2, 2017